Benign

That is truly the most beautiful word ever uttered.

For those of you have been following the medical dramas that my family have been experiencing, we received a reprieve today. A wonderful, unexpected, amazing reprieve. Whatever has been growing in my aunt's lymph nodes is actually benign and totally harmless. No cancer, complete false alarm. The past few weeks of waiting were spent contemplating "how bad"...never "if". There are no words to describe how incredible this feels.

As the news sinks in, I am left wondering what lesson I was being given through this whole experience. I believe there were lessons for everyone touched and frightened by this scare, but I think mine is supposed to be perspective. I have spent most of 2006 feeling overwhelmed by all of the chaos around me. There have been a lot of things on my plate this year, but at no point has it been more than I could handle...it just felt that way sometimes. For a fleeting moment, though, I was given a taste of what "more than I could handle" really felt like. It was the most horrible, out-of-control feeling I have ever experienced and that is saying quite a lot. But it wasn't real.

Have you ever had one of those moments where you look back on your life and wish you knew then what you know now? I don't think that very often, I usually like that I was able to experience the prior moments of my life without the burden of the knowledge and experience that I carry with me today. Much of my personal growth has come from flying blind through a new experience and being forced to figure it out. I can appreciate that. This was a rare exception though. More than once over the last few weeks I have wished I could go back and not spend so much time feeling overwhelmed and stressed out by all that was happening. I had no idea then that it could be so much worse so quickly. Well I have been given my gift of a "do over".

I get to go back and know what I know now. I get to deal with the craziness and the challenges with the knowledge that I really can handle it and manage my life and it really will all work out OK. I feel like Scrooge the morning after his ghostly visitors having earned his second chance.

I have learned a little perspective and it feels amazing.