I don't consider myself much of a complainer. In fact, I think most people who know me think I am pretty upbeat. I'm good at finding the silver lining in most situations. For the rare occasions where the silver linings are just too tough to spot, I'm pretty good at mocking my bad fortune sarcastically and ruthlessly. If I can't make it a positive, I'm sure as hell going to make it funny.
The unthinkable has finally happened though...I've hit my limit. The last 6 months have been filled with hospitals and bad news and airports and disappointing siblings and caretaking and cancelled plans and an evaporating personal life and AAAAAAAH!!!!
I give up. Karma wins. I don't know what I did to piss it off, just tell me what I need to do so it will lay off me a bit. rescue a puppy? feed the homeless? find world peace? Just tell me, it has to be easier than my life right now.
Someone find me a pity-pot...I need to have a seat. I'm too young to be dealing with all of this crap. I should be out having a life and having fun, not worrying constantly and researching medical treatments. I want to be carefree and happy for a little while. I want to be able to make plans that I don't secretly believe will fall through. I want it to be a good thing when the phone rings...not some precurser to more bad news. I don't want to be the strong responsible person anymore. Maybe I'll run away from home...can you run away from home when you own the house? No? Fine then, I'll just stop cleaning it.
....OK, I got that out of my system and feel a little better. I guess it's time to find a way to make my step-mom's breast cancer diagnosis funny because I'm sure not spotting the silver lining here.
Friday, June 30, 2006
Tuesday, June 20, 2006
A Day in the Life of a Girl Geek
I love being a girl geek...except when it sucks.
I'm in the midst of a training for some cool new skill that will theoretically earn me more money someday. Yay! Truth be told, the money doesn't motivate me at all. I love taking classes. I would be in school all the time if I could.
Learning new things, forcing my brain to work through some convoluted programming trick, figuring out which wire to connect to which device to make the lights come on...my heaven in a nutshell. When in doubt and the DVD player isn't working, take it apart and fire up the soldering iron. Doesn't everyone do that?
Now I understand that most girls don't enjoy spending an evening building a computer. Fine. I am very used to being the only woman in the room at these things. Hell, considering that my job has me mostly surrounded by engineers and A/V technicians, I am ALWAYS used to being the only woman in the room. It usually doesn't bother me.
We may have come a long way baby, but lots of guys still get pretty uncomfortable when I walk in to solve their technical problems. Lord help them if I have to crawl up into the ceiling to pull some cable to do it...they just don't know what to do with themselves. Should they help me? Should they stare at my breasts? It's all so confusing.
So I walk into the classroom today, a room full of guys who are not only going to training...they are getting out of the office to be with other tech guys. It's fun and competitive. It means short days in training, late nights at the bar bonding with the other techs, and many beers with the trainer picking up the tab. It's totally guy time...and then I walk in. Now it takes them a minute to realize I am not the secretary. In fact it takes them way too long to figure it out considering I'm carrying a laptop and a tool box, but oh well.
The trainer always makes a big deal out of having a girl in the class. "Hey, the last time we had a girl here was, well...the last time you were here." Yes I know, I was there. The guys seem mildly amused that I have my own stocked tool box, just like a real tech. I begin the internal countdown, waiting for the inevitable joke where they pretend to be surprised that my screwdriver set isn't pink. There it is...4 minutes. Cute guys, never heard that one before.
Going through the motions of becoming one of the guys comes second nature to me. Swear a little at the right times, remember to laugh at the dirty jokes, be better at all of the skills than they are but pretend you don't know that you are better and all is good after a few hours. It just bugs me that I feel the need to prove myself at all. I think it's one of those men/women differences. The guys are definitely competitive, but they just want to be better than the others for the hell of it. There is no sense of needing to prove they are qualified to even be in the room. I know I am better than most of them, but I really want them to know it too. Why is that?
Class ends for the day and we head to the bar. Most have figured out that I am hard to offend, so they have relaxed a bit and are having a good time. Hell, I'm one of the guys now...or am I? Strangely, I am the center of attention (and if you know me, you know that's not my style). They seem oddly amazed that my work days are just like theirs. A few of the guys want to see the pictures of the install job I told them about because it sounds really cool. They keep talking about how they wish the women around their offices were more like me, less uptight, more like one of the guys. The day of competing to be better than each other has become a competition for my attention. I'm a novelty and they are fascinated. It's kind of weird but also really fun.
Did I mention that I love being a girl geek.
I'm in the midst of a training for some cool new skill that will theoretically earn me more money someday. Yay! Truth be told, the money doesn't motivate me at all. I love taking classes. I would be in school all the time if I could.
Learning new things, forcing my brain to work through some convoluted programming trick, figuring out which wire to connect to which device to make the lights come on...my heaven in a nutshell. When in doubt and the DVD player isn't working, take it apart and fire up the soldering iron. Doesn't everyone do that?
Now I understand that most girls don't enjoy spending an evening building a computer. Fine. I am very used to being the only woman in the room at these things. Hell, considering that my job has me mostly surrounded by engineers and A/V technicians, I am ALWAYS used to being the only woman in the room. It usually doesn't bother me.
We may have come a long way baby, but lots of guys still get pretty uncomfortable when I walk in to solve their technical problems. Lord help them if I have to crawl up into the ceiling to pull some cable to do it...they just don't know what to do with themselves. Should they help me? Should they stare at my breasts? It's all so confusing.
So I walk into the classroom today, a room full of guys who are not only going to training...they are getting out of the office to be with other tech guys. It's fun and competitive. It means short days in training, late nights at the bar bonding with the other techs, and many beers with the trainer picking up the tab. It's totally guy time...and then I walk in. Now it takes them a minute to realize I am not the secretary. In fact it takes them way too long to figure it out considering I'm carrying a laptop and a tool box, but oh well.
The trainer always makes a big deal out of having a girl in the class. "Hey, the last time we had a girl here was, well...the last time you were here." Yes I know, I was there. The guys seem mildly amused that I have my own stocked tool box, just like a real tech. I begin the internal countdown, waiting for the inevitable joke where they pretend to be surprised that my screwdriver set isn't pink. There it is...4 minutes. Cute guys, never heard that one before.
Going through the motions of becoming one of the guys comes second nature to me. Swear a little at the right times, remember to laugh at the dirty jokes, be better at all of the skills than they are but pretend you don't know that you are better and all is good after a few hours. It just bugs me that I feel the need to prove myself at all. I think it's one of those men/women differences. The guys are definitely competitive, but they just want to be better than the others for the hell of it. There is no sense of needing to prove they are qualified to even be in the room. I know I am better than most of them, but I really want them to know it too. Why is that?
Class ends for the day and we head to the bar. Most have figured out that I am hard to offend, so they have relaxed a bit and are having a good time. Hell, I'm one of the guys now...or am I? Strangely, I am the center of attention (and if you know me, you know that's not my style). They seem oddly amazed that my work days are just like theirs. A few of the guys want to see the pictures of the install job I told them about because it sounds really cool. They keep talking about how they wish the women around their offices were more like me, less uptight, more like one of the guys. The day of competing to be better than each other has become a competition for my attention. I'm a novelty and they are fascinated. It's kind of weird but also really fun.
Did I mention that I love being a girl geek.
Thursday, June 15, 2006
Pretty Butterflies
I made a trip to the Butterfly Pavilion at the Natural History Museum this weekend, and I finally remembered to bring my camera. There is something magical about all of those butterflies flying around all over the place. Thought I would share a few pics with everyone.
If you blow this one up, you can actually see it drinking necter out of the flower...very cool.
A cocoon
A monarch caterpiller
You can see the rest of the pictures from the day on my Flickr Page
Make sure a view a few of the butterfly pics at the largest size...I never noticed before just how much butterflies look like bugs! For some reason they always seemed less buglike to me.
If you blow this one up, you can actually see it drinking necter out of the flower...very cool.
A cocoon
A monarch caterpiller
You can see the rest of the pictures from the day on my Flickr Page
Make sure a view a few of the butterfly pics at the largest size...I never noticed before just how much butterflies look like bugs! For some reason they always seemed less buglike to me.
Thursday, June 08, 2006
Mrs. World 2006...Take 2
I don't know what is the funniest part of this video. Could it be:
a. When they crowned the wrong person.
b. When the stage manager yells at the idiot who crowned the wrong person.
c. The outraged reactions of the other contestants. "This is not a reality show!"
d. The poor kid that they dangle from the ceiling to deliver the crown.
e. Mrs. Russia pretending to be surprised when they announce her as the winner during the 2nd take.
f. Mrs. Russia dancing around the stage after she gets the crown.
g. That the credits list the choreographers as Frit and Frat Fuller...I'm serious watch the whole clip.
I wish I had watched this thing when it aired.
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