Thursday, September 30, 2010

Help Me Help You

I like computers. I like to play with them, teach people about them, install things on them, build them and yes...I even kind of like to fix them. Techie folks like to make "woe is me" jokes about how we are the personal computer repair person for all our friends and family but I think we all kind of enjoy it.

There is something very satisfying about figuring out and solving moderately challenging problems. Rooting out that stubborn bit of spyware or finding and replacing a failing memory chip. Bonus comes when every now and then we get to acquire some fun story to trot out at nerd parties like the computer power problem I fixed by plugging in the power cord or the "broken" printer issue I resolved by explaining to it's owner that if they wanted to print color they would need to actually purchase a color printer...the black & white one wouldn't do. True stories, both of them.

There are the occasional moments that make me want to tear my hair out, though, so I offer some guidance for folks thinking about hitting up a loved one about that weird window popping up lately.


I won't care about your problem more than you do.
If you can't remember anything about what happens when your computer crashes, it is difficult for me to help you. What you were eating or watching on TV when it happened doesn't count.

I give everyone a pass the first or second time they forget to take notice of what an error message says. They can be stressful, I understand. If by the third or fourth time you still haven't bothered to write it down, don't be surprised if I lose interest pretty quickly.


Please don't make stuff up.
I know you don't mean to lie to me, it just happens. Word to the wise, if I ask you a question and you answer me confidently and definitively...I will believe you. Because you are my friend and I like you. If you are answering my question with an educated guess because it seems like it should be the right answer, for the love of all that is holy TELL ME. I promise I won't judge you for not knowing.

Not giving me a heads up when you are guessing turns me into a bitter woman who has forgotten how to trust...at least when it comes to matters of wireless network configuration or any time a sentence ends with the phrase "I am 100% sure".


Be prepared to learn something.
Everyone gets the occasional virus. Don't worry about it, I'll help you get rid of it and make sure your security software is up to date. Calling me for the third time in a month because of the same virus and still not having any idea what to do about it makes my head explode. I don't expect you to know everything but at that point, you should be able to run a virus scan.

Think of it this way...if you call your brother-in-law to come over and help you with your pool because you are trying to save some money on a pool guy, expect him to come over and teach you how to use the tools and mix the chemicals. If you really don't want to touch or learn anything at all about the pool, hire a pool guy. And no, I don't know a good pool guy I can refer you to.


Make me dinner.
If I know you and love you, I won't take your money. Don't even try to give it to me. Cooking me dinner, buying me a drink or volunteering to help me paint my living room is more than enough. (As for that last one, I'm totally taking you up on that soon...you know who you are.) If you live far away, offering to take me out to dinner even if it might never happen is also perfectly acceptable.

All I really need is not to have to hear about how some jerk from The Geek Squad took advantage of you or made you feel stupid. Because that makes me sad. And angry at some of the jerks working for the Geek Squad. Seriously, where do they find some of those guys?

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Likewise, I will promise to keep all of these things in mind next time I ask you about that strange sound my car has been making. Deal?


Einstein saves the day.