Thursday, March 23, 2006

Musical Memories

I'm sitting in the dentists office listening to the horrible easy listening music meant to soothe me while I'm being tortured, when a song comes on that instantly transports me back to being 16 years old. I'm sitting at the movies with my first love. I hadn't ever had a broken heart...my first one was still a few months away. I can absolutely remember what it felt like to be free and invincible. Everything I felt, I felt completely through every ounce of my body. Life was perfect and intense and dramatic and exciting and enormous and laid out before me to take me in any direction that I could imagine.

I can remember how it felt to really wonder what would come next. That tingly feeling that would run to the tips of toes when his arm would accidentally brush against mine. (It probably wasn't an accident, was it?) Sitting in the dark, wishing with all of my will that he would put his arm around me, hold me, touch me, kiss me...yet at the same time, relishing the feeling of anticipation waiting for something to happen. When was the last time I had butterflies like that in my stomach?

I love that I can close my eyes and instantly be transported back to those memories and feelings. I would hate to think that even though I have matured beyond some of those emotions and perspectives, that I could never experience them again...even if only through memory.

Friday, March 17, 2006

Even I'm not that cynical

So I'm watching the morning news and I hear some ditzy co-host entertain the idea that the latest military action in Samarra, Iraq might have been ordered by President Bush for purely political reasons. I stopped dead in my tracks and stared at the television.

Now don't get me wrong, I enjoy the public opinion implosion that is happening to the Bush administration and the Republican party as much as the next liberal democrat. It's about time more people started placing some accountability where it belongs for the foreign relations mess our country is in. What bugs me is the caricatures that we create for our political leaders.

When Bush is the good guy, he is John Wayne riding up on a horse to rescue the nation from evil. He is our knight in shining armor coming to save the distressed damsel. He is patriotism incarnate and disagreeing with him means you hate America. Go Team!

When Bush is bad, he is an evil warlord out to conquer the world. He is motivated only by greed or manipulated only by the greed of the people around him. He cares for no human being and in his soul he craves only power. He is a devil who would cheerfully send young men to die in order to get a bump in the polls. Booo...hissss!

What the hell is going on here?

Do these exaggerations come from the press because they think we are too stupid and lazy to grasp the issues so they dumb them down into cartoons for us? Do they come from politicians because they hope that we will be too stupid and lazy to notice? Do they come from the public because we actually are stupid and lazy?

Do I believe that Bush has made some terrible mistakes in his fight against terrorism? I sure do. He has surrounded himself with poor advisors and failed to surround himself with anyone who would challenge him. He has been arrogant and short-sighted and failed to truly take in the global damage that his policies have done. That being said, I believe he is human. I believe he struggles with the choices he makes to send troops to die. I believe he is truly motivated by the idea that he is doing the right things for this country and for the world. He is not evil... he is just wrong.

I do not believe that Bush, Cheney and Rumsfield sit in the oval office rubbing their hands together, laughing maniacally and calculating the money they are making from oil interests...do you? Then why are we painting that picture? Turning them into stereotypes only weakens the arguments against their policies. When cooler heads prevail, we look foolish and so does our case. Don't make the debate about the caricature, make it about the cause.

Anything less is a waste of everyone's time.

Wednesday, March 01, 2006

The Moms in my Life.

There is nothing like the word "Cancer" to get you thinking.

I grew up in a very small, close-knit school. Everyone knew everyone and parents were involved. The thing about that kind of environment is that everyone's mom becomes your mom. The moms were always at field trips or planning special activities. They were cleaning our cuts when we fell down and they were scolding us when we did wrong. They were helping us set up tents on campouts and at night after the kids were in sleeping bags, they were playing cards and having a cup of wine by the fire. Sure we could joke around with them, but we ALWAYS respected them. As a kid, it never crossed my mind that their word carried less weight than my own mom.

What hadn't occurred to me until recently was the amazing place that these moms still hold in my life as an adult. Sure I saw them and said hello just like I did with all of the other adults who knew me as a kid, but subconsciously I knew they were different. When they ask how I'm doing and hear about my successes, I can see the pride in their eyes. When they think I am making mistakes in my life, they kindly tell me why...and it never feels like they are overstepping their bounds. When I tell them the rare tea they are drinking smells good, they don't just tell me where they got it...they bring me a box. And when they get sick...I care. Not just in the old "Oh how sad, she's a nice lady" way, I really care.

It is such a cliche that you don't appreciate the blessings in your life until you envision them gone. I never realized how fortunate I was to grow up with such an amazing group of moms around who cared for me and provided me wonderful examples of the kind of woman I could become. I am even more fortunate to still know them. I wish there was some way to tell them how much I appreciate them but I'm guessing that like my own mom, deep down they already know.