I don't want to be a grown up...

When exactly did it happen? When did I stop being my parent's kid and become my parent's caretaker.

I wish I could remember the one clear defining moment, it would be easier. The difficult truth is there isn't one exact moment when the role shifted. If there was, the decisions would be much simpler. The reality is that the role shifts in different ways on a daily basis.

I look at them and in an amazing barrage of feeling and emotion I see both my childhood and my future in their eyes. With one glance I can feel like a 5 year old being reprimanded and in the next I worry what will happen if they find where I hid the car keys.

Do I try to find ways to let them think they are still in control or do I just tell them that I am actually making most of their decisions? Which actually shows them more respect for their dignity? What would I want in their position? It is one of the few questions about myself that I honestly don't know the answer to.

I wonder how aware they are of this dance to which we are trying to figure out the steps. How much of their feelings about all of this do they shield me from? I suspect it is more than I will ever want to know. Deep down, we all hate the dance but we know it is the way it must be. We play our parts because we love each other and there isn't a choice...and once in blue moon life rewards us with one of those ever rarer moments where we forget that the roles have shifted.